|
Control!!
by Lesli Musicar
How is it that so many of us have this constant need to be in control? Is it because we don’t trust other people to manage things? Or is it because, deep down, we feel out-of-control? And in controlling everything and everyone around us, it somehow makes us feel more secure.
When you come from a home where you didn’t feel safe enough, loved enough or connected enough to your parents, it is hard to develop a secure sense of self. In such cases, children are often left to fend for themselves. Sometimes they must care for younger siblings. Often, they feel responsible for their parents. Having no real power or control over their environment (or the option to leave it), children will try to care for themselves by manipulating others.
What this means, is that children will behave to elicit a response that will best meet their needs. This is rarely thought out or planned. Rather, it tends to occur on an instinctual level—it is a matter of survival. One example is the child who is very quiet and reserved. This is rarely a child's true nature. However, if it can bring praise, attention, or safety (by being invisible), children will do it. At the opposite end of the spectrum, there are the children who are
"troublemakers." This often occurs when being "good" hasn’t worked. Or it may be that a sibling has already taken the
"perfect child" role. Let's face it, negative attention is better than no attention!
When a child is so preoccupied with safety or with trying to get basic needs met, they don't have the luxury of being spontaneous, curious, or adventurous. As a result, they never get the chance to explore their true potential. They will therefore fail to develop confidence in themselves. And low self-esteem will often follow.
As adults, we then become insecure. This often leads to a life of passivity. Rather than taking action on our own behalf, we wait for life
|
