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Safety Then and Now
by Lesli Musicar
How safe do you feel in the world?
How safe do you feel walking down the street? With friends? At home? Sometimes we think we feel safe when in fact, we don’t feel anything at all. This is because we are not fully present. For some, it can be simply a case of daydreaming, or being distracted by thoughts of what to cook for dinner. But for others, it can be more profound. It can mean having no awareness of one’s body whatsoever--in other words, feeling numb.
Now, there are those of us with a history of trauma who don't feel safe, and are painfully aware of it. We feel vulnerable and exposed when we're out in the world. Sometimes, we feel this way even in our own homes. Neither state--feeling nothing or feeling extreme vulnerability--is desirable. And it is not uncommon for many of us to bounce back and forth between the two. But they are merely flip sides of the same coin. Both stem from times in our lives when we felt profoundly unsafe.
Recent Trauma
A recent traumatic event can temporarily shatter our sense of safety. For instance, if we are mugged, have a serious accident, or sustain profound loss. In order to get over such traumas we have to go through a healing process. This involves telling our story, often many times over. We need to feel heard, believed, and understood. If you try to "let it go" before you are fully healed, there is a good chance the trauma will continue to haunt you. You may have trouble sleeping, feel depressed, or hyper vigilant. Don't expect to feel safe until the traumatic event is thoroughly processed.
But what if the trauma is resolved and you still feel
unsafe? It likely means the recent trauma
has triggered the memory of a much earlier one that was never
processed. If we are not aware that this is the case, our safety
may diminish even further. We may feel frightened, anxious, or confused.
We might even think we are going crazy. What is happening, though,
is the delayed effects of a traumatic injury that has never been
healed. And its hallmark symptom is a profound lack of safety.
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