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Healing the Psychological Wound
by Lesli Musicar
Can you imagine being in a car accident and being forbidden to talk about it? Seems bizarre, doesn’t it? This is because we inherently understand the need to process traumatic events. A traumatic event is one in which we feel overwhelmed and helpless. And to “process” is our human need to externalize the shocking things that happen to us. We will talk, express our feelings, try to make sense of what happened, and seek understanding and compassion from others. The more severe the trauma, the longer it takes to process. Once this processing is completed, we can recover from the psychological injury of the trauma and get on with our lives.
If it had indeed been a car accident and the processing was finished, we would stop jumping every time we heard brakes squeal. We would stop having nightmares of being run over by a truck. We would get the car fixed, the insurance taken care of, and hopefully, have only minor physical injuries to heal from. And we would stop needing to talk about it. Our friends and family would breathe a sigh of relief. And life would return to normal.
However, for those of us who have sustained traumatic injuries less socially acceptable to discuss—like rape, battery, emotional abuse, child sexual abuse, abandonment or neglect (to name a few)—the processing of the psychological injury often fails to take place at the time. This is because these things are rarely talked about. Most families cherish their good image in the community. And for a family member to tarnish it would be risking their place in the family. Moreover, when bad things happen to children, they believe it is because they are bad. This is usually reinforced by their perpetrators who frighten them into keeping their mouths shut.
Shame is another silencing factor. Even if no one blames a woman for being raped or battered, it is almost impossible for her to escape self-blame. Blaming the victim is such a deeply entrenched practice in our society. The result is a shame that silences. So, these victims walk
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